Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
not ubering you a puppy
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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