I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
barbara walters just said penis...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
