Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
