if i can run in heels then i can drive
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
