He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
