did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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