My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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