i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
