I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
