Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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