I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
