I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
