my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
