So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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