literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
