If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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