he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize