sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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