My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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