Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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