Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
