i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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