I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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