The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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