Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
