I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
