tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
