onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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