dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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