I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
