the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
