but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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