So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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