I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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