Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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