last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize