I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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