He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
