We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my shit smells like andre
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
