Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
