we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
