So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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