you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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