ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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