She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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