I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
