Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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