wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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