I heard we made out
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is the high leading the old right now
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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