ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
