I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Im part way to drunk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
