trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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