why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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