Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
