soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
