i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
