is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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