Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
