Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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