I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
