Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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