I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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