i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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