i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
