Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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