I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
