508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
