i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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