I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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