Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
