Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
