is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
