Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
